"The Golden Triangle"
This is my own work, my own opinion, and maybe a hint as to why people are seen as sex objects rather than persons.
What you see below is what I call the "Golden Triangle".
What I imagine is that most people want to be treated as persons, not sex objects. So the observer's view should be centered on the other person's eyes. Not on the chest, legs, or genitalia, but on and into the eyes.
Sort of hard to do if the emphasis is on the rest of the body. The "Golden Triangle" is a guide to how one should dress and act in order to direct another person's view to the eyes. I will not discuss other than just a few varieties of clothing (see below). This isn't really about clothing, but about dressing and behaving in such a manner that people naturally look you in the eyes and treat you like a person and not like an object.
Here's where we delve deep into my own opinions. I'm well into my fifties and have been around enough to have formed a generally decent personal opinion of mankind. For starters, men and women are very, very different. Yes, I hear that laughter, but I'm not taking about the physical body. I'm talking about the way we think, and from what I've learned, women just don't understand how we men think.
(Okay, and men will never understand women. I get that, I was married to a wonderful woman, but I never completely understood her. Fair enough?)
Basically, men want to see women naked. Most men, your husband, your pastor, your teenage son, the milk man, the barely pubescent kid next door. God programmed this need into our very makeup as men. Granted, He intends for us to satisfy this need in marriage, but it's still there in every man.
To start with, it's my opinion that there isn't a desire in people called "lust". What you have is simple sexual desire. It's either directed toward a wife or husband, or directed toward someone else. It's the direction that's the issue. When it's directed toward a spouse, it's a perfectly holy (and intense, and fun and fulfilling) desire. But when we direct it toward someone other than a spouse, it's not holy (but it can still be intense, and fun and fulfilling.)
What "lust" is then, is a label for misdirected sexual desire, not a label for the desire itself. If we don't make this distinction, men are lead to believe that they have this base desire in themselves, rather than they're just misdirecting something normal and holy.
Which leads to this thought. Men do not see women like women see men. Men are programmed by God to associate sexual desire with images. That's why a husband can drive a wife nuts when she's innocently sitting in her underclothing brushing her hair, and he's lying in the bed watching her, burning with desire. You know that look, ladies, the one where you yell "Stop doing that!" He can't help it, sorry 'bout that.
But this has become a real problem in today's society. If a man associates a woman in a miniskirt with sexual desires, it established a picture in his mind: bare legs up to there, Wowser! But his mind only associates the image with sex, not the age of the person.
So, the short skirt that use to be cute on a 6 year old girl, or pretty on an slightly older girl, isn't any longer because grown women have taken it, associated it with sexual desire, and made it their own.
Look at this image:
Okay, I'm not that great an artist, but anything more realistic and we'd be back to men saying "Wowser!" If that was a teenage young lady, or an older woman, I think that everyone would have to agree that it was a sexy look. But if it was, say, a child, women would say that she's cute, but men are stuck with that image thing and have to consciously control where their mind goes.
Men naturally associate these things, it's part of their make up as men. Frankly, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. If women dress promiscuously, it travels backward down to the children. They may suffer for our freedom to do as we please.
This is the point where some dear lady out there cries "You're a pervert!!!!"
Yeah, I've been hearing that nonsense for years. Every time I attempt to say something about this topic, I get hit with that phrase. Well, ladies if that's true, then all of the men in the world are perverts. Some are just better at self-control than others.
Men are not normally sexually perverted, they're just visually stimulated. Many years ago I happened to see a very beautiful young lady, probably in her 20's, riding a bicycle down 15th street. In a full Spandex body suit. Frankly, she "flowed" down the street. As she reached the intersection, traffic literally stopped as nearly all of the men ogled her.
Why? Because men want to see women naked, or as near naked as they can get them. But therein lies the problem. If you encourage men to see a skin-tight body suit or some other outfit as "sexy", especially by wearing it in an inappropriate place, they will associate that clothing with sex. Which will lead to making a real problem out of the act of taking your young daughter out in a ballet leotard.
Men cannot naturally separate promiscuous sexual images by the age of the object of the image. If you convince them that this grown up woman is dressed in a promiscuous manner, they will naturally view anyone in that sort of outfit as a sexual object, regardless of age.
I believe that this is true for almost all men. We've trapped our children in a world of sexual dangers by playing with those dangers ourselves. Watch the news.
I once accidentally overheard a group of church ladies making fun of their husband's sexual desires, attributes and performances. My wife happened to be in that group and was appalled that they would talk about their husbands like that. Ever hear someone say, "I just don't know why my husband has no imagination in bed, you'd think he was dead!"
It's the constant bombarding of sex in society that's bled the imaginations of men dry. Why work at it when you can go down to the grocery store and get an eyeful just standing there? Or go to the beach or lake for a swim (and yes, personally I don't do that anymore) and enjoy the "view"? Or just turn on the television...
Look at the Triangle again:
Imagine that the triangle is really a guide to focus. Everything about your body should naturally direct a person's eyes to your eyes. Clothing, colors, patterns, and behavior all can be used to make sure that you as a person are getting the attention of others, and not what you are.
If you're showing off your body, or your clothing, you're telling the observer that you do not want to be treated as a person. You're telling them that you want to be treated as an object. "My boobs, or my legs, or my butt, or my private parts are more important than I am as a person."
For Christians, I believe that the apex of the Triangle points to God Himself. You should want to be treated as a person so that you guide them by your person to His Person. To be blunt, that cannot be done if you're selling sex.
Take a bathing suit for example:
To again be frank, I just do not get why women wear these things. Think about this, you're wearing next to nothing with that suit, no underclothing, just a bathing suit that reveals a whole lot more when it's wet. Very few women would go out dressed in nothing but their bra and panties. "Eek! I'm naked!"
But tens of thousands go out in a bathing suit that's made of even less material than their underclothing! Men figure that that's just about as close to naked as you can get a woman in public and not have her get arrested. And women wonder why their husbands stop looking forward to them getting naked. Has he been to the beach lately? Watching reruns of "Bay Watch", or the Miss America Pageant? Or watching the cheerleaders... er, football game?
Just to let you know, my wife, Karen (1956-1992) after she received Christ as her Saviour, wore culottes and a light blouse when she went swimming. The sort of culottes that looked like a knee-length skirt but were really shorts. She felt that she was there to enjoy the water, not to show off her body. I wore knee-length shorts and a t-shirt, still do when I can get into the water.
The really ironic part of all of this? Women just don't seem to get that men don't have to see you naked to see you naked. Most guys know what a woman basically looks like naked and they don't need to see you with your clothes off to see you with your clothes off, if you get what I mean.
When women, OR MEN, go as undressed as possible on the beach or at the lake, it's to be seen as sexual creatures, not as persons. The same goes for street clothing, too. I hate to leave my home any more in the summer because I can't get to anywhere without running into women who are advertising sex.
Here are three more images:
Yeah, I know. "OMG, he wants us to dress like Mennonites!" Well, I have to admit that just about the most beautiful women I've ever seen, aside from my wife, Karen, are the Mennonite women in their pastel-colored outfits. But, honestly, that's just my personal taste.
I like to imagine that those three images show people who are honestly trying to focus people's attention on their eyes, to be treated as a person, not as an object. Note that I didn't state which was male or female. Both sexes are responsible for their appearance. Depending on the nationality, any of those images could be male or female.
What I would want folks to understand is that YOU are the judge of what you wear and how you wear it. You're supposed to be growing Christians, not babies. You should have enough discernment to be able to figure out what's appropriate and what's not.
What are you trying to sell the public? That you are a sexual creature, though not necessarily ready to have sex with just anybody? That you care more about what you are than who you are? This can be deadly for a Christian. If you can't convince people to look you in the eyes and acknowledge that you are a person, you may never get them to see God as a person.
Well, that's my say.
Remember, it's about how you focus people's attention.
First your eyes, then God's.
You may download a PDF of "The Golden Triangle" by clicking here.
Copyright © 2011 Michael J. Jackson
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